Dear John Grisham,
We need a comedy. A comedy about a California lawyer and some dragees (the little silver balls that we use as decorations on cakes and cookies, pronounced 'drah-jays'). I'm sure you could write it a million times better than I could, so I'm just going to give you the gist of it.
There's a lawyer in Napa who had the gall to start freaking out over the distribution and use of these little silver balls we call 'dragees'. Incidentally, my husband calls them 'ball bearing candies', as you can see above. Yes, he helps me organize my cake stuff from time to time and sometimes he gets carried away. So, this guy decides in the early 1990's that its his mission in life to save our children from the possible ill effects of eating these evil dragees. Not that anyone has ever gotten sick off of these things. Really. He even concedes to that.
So our friend here bullies the McCormick Spice Company to pull these off the market, and they do. Next, Martha Stewart has the audacity to feature some very beautiful cookies decorated with dragees and he goes after HER!! At least four other distribution companies have been sued. Imagine that piece of certified mail! "Dear Madam or Sir, you are being sued for selling/promoting the little silver balls that everyone has been eating for a hundred years. Hope you have a lot in savings. Love, The Napa Lawyer."
Seriously! There are hard working people here who were completely blind-sided by this guy. Some of the bakers in this article wouldn't even reveal their names for fear of being sued.
Remember, NO ONE has actually fallen ill from the consumption of dragees. Now, maybe if our kids sprinkled them on their cereal every morning...maybe. But how many do we consume in one year? Ten maybe?
The FDA put a warning on the box, and even labeled them "not for consumption". But oh no, that wasn't good enough. Chumptastic decided that he didn't only want them pulled off the market in California, he wanted them OUTLAWED!! Now soccer moms and unassuming cake ladies everywhere are looking over their shoulders. People are bringing suitcases of them home from France (where you know, everyone is sick because of them). Put them on a cupcake, and you might as well just sprinkle the damn thing with marijuana.
Mr Grisham, I know that you can see right through this dragee business to the probable conspiracy. It's my opinion that something BIGGER is behind all of this. Maybe a political scandal ("don't tell the senator or we'll spill the dragees"), or maybe some gang lord that really hates dragees because they remind him of his painful childhood (cause his dad was a gangster and later his mom and uncle tried to bump him off). See what an expert I am? Really. I know what I'm talking about here.
Thanks for your time,
The Backpacking Cakester
I used the last of my dragees for these cupcakes. And yes, I did purchase them in Europe. I smuggled them in my baby's diaper.
Incidentally, if you do want to order some of these little balls of death, you can go here. But not if you life in California. Sorry. You might just be arrested.
Ball-Bearing Cupcakes Of Death
AKA - Napa Supremes
The Cake:
3 cups sifted all purpose flour
1Tbs baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
2 cups sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup milk
1tsp vanilla extract
Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
In large mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Whip till light and fluffy.
Stir in 1/2 cup of the flour mix, then a splash of milk. Continue to add the flour and milk alternatively. Do not whip. Just stir gently.
Add vanilla extract and stir.
Pour into prepared cupcake tins and bake at 350 degrees F, for 10-15 minutes.
Icing:
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
3-4 cups powdered sugar
2-4 Tbs milk
pinch of salt
1 tsp vanilla
Whip the butter until light and fluffy. Add 3 cups of powdered sugar. Add 2 Tbs of the milk. Add the salt and vanilla. Taste. If it's too runny add more powdered sugar until the desired consistency is achieved. If it's too clumpy, add 2 more Tbs milk.
I used a large star tip to pipe the icing on these cupcakes.
Sprinkle the top of each cupcake with some dragees. Demand that all consumers of your cupcakes sign official legal documents, absolving you - the baker from any wrong doing or liability what-so-ever.
Have A Happy And Dragee Free Week!!
